Storing Hope

Stories about love to restore hope in people's hearts


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Advice for better communication

This week a woman shared with me about her feelings with her boyfriend. She told me that she is going through a hard life, because her boyfriend doesn’t understand her. And both of them are facing the problem of not being on the same page. They both keep hurting each other’s feelings in one way or another. I asked her if she realized the cause why they don’t understand each other? She said, because her boyfriend doesn’t consider her feelings.

She told me that one time she picked roses and left them in his bedroom with an intention of making him happy. But when her boyfriend returned home he saw the roses and he didn’t even say anything appreciating her. She felt that the man doesn’t consider her feelings, and she wanted to give up on the relationship.

I gave her a suggestion to keep their relationship better, so they can understand each other more than before. I told her not to give up, just to keep going ahead giving him love and gifts. And sometimes to ask him, do you like my gift? Then he will tell her yes or no. If he doesn’t like it also she should ask him what he likes, then she can find a gift he likes. That way, she will show him that his feedback important to her.

Hopefully, he will learn to change his habits and give her his responses even before she asks.


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Put yourself in that person’s shoes

I feel inspired to share with you all something about considering each other. We do a lot of things to make our friends happy, but sometimes we also do things that hurt their feelings. I observed one important way to be connected to each other, and have a better relationship.

Here is the way: Put yourself in that person’s shoes before saying something or doing something with that person. It will help you to understand everything you need to know about him or her and feel connected with that person.

When you put yourself in someone’s shoes, you start feeling how beautiful that person is. People would not hurt each other if they would have that consideration. For example, if someone makes a mistake and you correct him or her, then another day that person makes another mistake. Before you correct that person you need much consideration first, how is he or she going to feel? Maybe that person will think that you are judging them a lot, or you don’t appreciate what they are doing. You need to feel how the person is going to feel. Then you can correct that person without any doubt between both of you. And it may be easy for that person to fix his or her mistake.

Do you know that you can even understand a tree, what it needs? The good thing is we all know how other people feel, we can feel it. Every human being has that sense of feeling and knowing, but to use those senses is sometimes hard! That’s why sometimes we make mistakes, and people fail to be on the same page. Because they don’t want to put themselves in another person’s shoes.

Some people don’t want to pay a price for the benefit of their friends. That’s the reason why people take things for granted. For example, easy life, easy love, instead of considering people’s feelings. I think the world will be a better place if everyone would be considering one another.


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Forgiveness

When someone does something wrong, it’s hard to want to forgive them. We feel justified in blaming them. It will help us to forgive them if we realize we are blaming them for something they didn’t do.

For example, if you are in traffic and someone behind is honking at you and wants you to go ahead which is impossible because someone is in front of you. The driver behind you is blaming you for making him or her late, but that is not your intention. You are waiting for the car in front of you. In our daily life we often feel hurt by people who are not trying to hurt us, so we are blaming them wrongly for hurting us. It was a mistake; we need to forgive them for making a mistake. Everyone make mistakes.

Still we have a lot of room for fixing that blaming habit for the benefit of others. If someone asks for forgiveness with a sincere heart and is ready to fix the mistake he or she made, we should accept his or her apology.


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My experience about reacting

My experience about reacting

I used to react a lot to my friends, and I used to say hard words to them a lot. When I was 22 years old my closest friend called Jane used to be very reactive and I also had the same habit of reacting impulsively and used bad words to insult people.

One day I said a word to her but she didn’t like it, then she said something bad to me, and I said something hurtful in response. I said an insulting word, which I can’t even mention right now! Then Jane started crying and I walked away with much pride and I didn’t mind if she was sad or not, because I didn’t want to know and be affected. I was my own person and didn’t want to depend on anyone.

After one week I went on a bus ride and I looked to my side and found Jane sitting nearby in the same bus. I gave her a wave and smiled at her, then she started crying and people in the bus started taking care of her, but she didn’t tell them why she was crying. So I felt really bad because Jane was my close friend, and I regretted that I insulted her, and I was sad with the bad word that I used before.

When I came back from my trip I went to talk to Jane and her family and told them that I insulted her and apologized to them. I told them the word used and how this made her sad. Her mom started crying when she heard the word that I used. I asked them for forgiveness. It was hard for Jane to say anything, she was just crying.

It hurt me a lot that this happened and I started thinking about our friendship and if we would ever be close again. I knew that if I don’t fix it, we could not be close friends again.

I went back home, called my mom and I told her the whole story. My mom told me to fix that habit of reacting with pride and if someone insults you or is angry with you, just keep quiet and with time that person will realize that what they are doing is hurting you. Avoid responding to someone when you are mad, because you will be using that negative energy to hurt someone.

Again she told me that when someone makes you mad, take the time to relax in order to make sure that your heart is calm, then go and talk to that person. Then it will be easy to understand each other and solve the problem without insulting each other. And she said never respond to someone when you’re mad, and also she said I know it’s hard, but keep practicing it and it will help you and your friends to have better friendships.

She told me that if someone is being reactive with you, you will feel a strong force in your heart and body. But don’t react back to that person with that negative force. It will only create more conflict between you and them.

I went back to Jane’s family and told them about all the advice my mom gave me and also what I wanted to do to fix the pain I had caused to Jane and her family. She and her parents were so happy with this. Since then I stopped insulting anyone and Jane also told me that she stopped insulting other people. In the end we all learned from each other.

Hopefully this story can help you to fix the same bad habits of being hurtful to people even if they are being wrong to you or someone you love.