Storing Hope

Stories about love to restore hope in people's hearts

Advice for better communication

12 Comments

This week a woman shared with me about her feelings with her boyfriend. She told me that she is going through a hard life, because her boyfriend doesn’t understand her. And both of them are facing the problem of not being on the same page. They both keep hurting each other’s feelings in one way or another. I asked her if she realized the cause why they don’t understand each other? She said, because her boyfriend doesn’t consider her feelings.

She told me that one time she picked roses and left them in his bedroom with an intention of making him happy. But when her boyfriend returned home he saw the roses and he didn’t even say anything appreciating her. She felt that the man doesn’t consider her feelings, and she wanted to give up on the relationship.

I gave her a suggestion to keep their relationship better, so they can understand each other more than before. I told her not to give up, just to keep going ahead giving him love and gifts. And sometimes to ask him, do you like my gift? Then he will tell her yes or no. If he doesn’t like it also she should ask him what he likes, then she can find a gift he likes. That way, she will show him that his feedback important to her.

Hopefully, he will learn to change his habits and give her his responses even before she asks.

12 thoughts on “Advice for better communication

  1. What I wonder is if this woman realizes that this relationship doesn’t sound healthy? If she asked me what I thought, that’s what I’d tell her. I know it sounds like stating the obvious. But some people really don’t know they are in bad relationships. And even when they are told, they don’t know what it means. I would wonder if she’s ever been in a good relationship. You know what I’d do? I’d just ask him why he doesn’t appreciate her. Symptoms like these are usually indicative of bigger problems. The question must be, ultimately, how much work does she want to put into this relationship without any guarantee it will get better?

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    • Thank you so much for sharing with me your thoughts. True, the relationship is not healthy. But before giving up, it’s good to try to make it healthier. For example, if you’re sick and you go to the doctor, the doctor tells you go and drink water and take medicine, and in case you don’t see any improvements, come back and see the doctor. It’s similar. The woman already realized that the relationship is not good and I gave her a suggestion to try to improve it. So that she is giving him a chance to adjust his habit. There is never a guarantee of improvement. We do our best. After that, we can decide.

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      • Very good, good idea. I guess at my age, with my experiences, the hindsight I have is one that usually my younger peers don’t have. I can’t recall if you mentioned the woman’s age, but it hardly matters as people mature differently (I’m a slow learner in this sense). I’m glad you gave your best advice and your friend is lucky to have a reasonable ear to talk to. God bless!

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      • You are welcome. You know we are always learning from each other, and helping each other as much as we can. I am lucky too because I have friends I can talk to and who give me good advice too.

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  2. If she wants this to work it will take work. From them both. The first step is to understand how each communicates. We all have our own love language – for example my mother showed her love through action, not words. I use words and physical contact. They need to understand one another’s love language – he may show his love in a different way. If they can understand each other through words, deeds, touch they can find their way through. It is too easy to walk away and then restlessly search for greener grass …..

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    • Hi Osyth, this is an incredible idea of love language. Some people don’t like symbols and some like them. As you said that some people like to use actions and others don’t. They need to understand one another’s love language, and then she can have a better relationship with her boyfriend.

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  3. Very good advice! When I was small my grandmother once told me that if I waited for a man to “figure out” what I meant or wanted by something I’d said or done, I’d be dead before I heard anything. LOL I personally feel that a lot depends on how the person was raised, what their parents relationship was or wasn’t, did they have a good role model. My husband did not. His father was a mean man who beat him as well as his mother and yet expected them to just take it. I love my husband very much, but I’m still 20 years later trying to teach him what a good, loving relationship looks like and is suppose to be. When he doesn’t notice things now that I’ve worked hard on for him, I tell him, just as you said…. If he hurts my feelings, once we’re alone… I tell him, what he did or said and how it hurt me. Nine times out of ten he didn’t mean to, but he hasn’t learned about “tone of voice” completely yet, and we’re still working on compassion for others. He has come a very long way, don’t get me wrong… but he was not brought up in a loving home and had no one to show him/teach him, about God.. how He works if we but notice. He often doesn’t apologize, but will change his behavior for a while and be very sweet, helpful, or thoughtful. That’s his way of saying I’m sorry.. 😀

    Thanks for stopping by my blog so I could find yours! I’m afraid I don’t get to read or post every day, but I try. Blessings to you. 😀

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    • God bless you for loving your husband and patiently helping him, even though your relationship has challenges. It isn’t easy to overcome bad habits from childhood, but with help we can. I can see he needs and appreciates your help. With your help, he is being healed.

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  4. Unfortunately some people want love with someone so much and don’t think about loving themselves first. I hope this woman finds someone who appreciates her gifts and that she loves herself first and foremost! 🙂

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  5. If it’s a really big deal to her I wonder if she might be better off with someone who can appreciate her gifts. On the other hand, if everything else is good what you say makes a lot of sense.

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    • I agree with you. But first, I wanted her to give him another chance. If she follows my advice, he might change his behaviors and start appreciating her gifts. If he doesn’t change, it will be a better solution for her to find another one who can value her feelings, instead of being hurt.

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